Reset preset shape iD

I was just sent this shampoo/conditioner/hair texturizer in the mail and I’ve given myself ample time to test out the products.

Shampoos and conditioners, many of them are the same. These products stray a little from the norm, however.

Shampoo is a great residue buildup removing shampoo that doesn’t remove all of the moisture of your hair at the same time. It’s a shampoo, removes the appearance of grease, and doesn’t require me to use too much product.

Conditioner is clear. It is a clear conditioner. I am used to heavy, creamy, thick hair masks. Clear conditioner?! Would I need to follow it up with a mask or something? Actually, nope. In summer heat, this was all my locks needed. Regular conditioner would weigh my hair down. This doesn’t. Score.

Aaand I’m still scared of the texturizer and haven’t used it. I don’t want to dry out my hair. I’ve already admitted I’m afraid of hairspray.

Oh, and Sebastian isn’t a cruelty free brand. So you know you won’t see me recommending it. But we as consumers hold the right to stick to our morals, these are just mine.

It’s JERZDAY

MTV and VH1 really have it in for me, putting the only two current shows I would ever watch on at the same time. My heart lies with RuPaul’s Drag Race, Season 10, followed immediately by Untucked.

But on Fridays, when the cabs are no longer here, I call them back on my Amazon Prime.

Because it’s t-shirt time, but probably NOT white t-shirt time with that spray tan.

I have had so many fake tanning experiences. I am pale, alabaster, mont blanc, vanilla snow, whatever you want to call it. I do not tan in the sun. But at-home fake never worked out. Jergens always looked splotchy. My mom had a bottle of god-knows-how-old Vaseline tanner I tried once and didn’t hate, but I could never apply it on my back, and it never lasted despite how long the application process takes. My stepmother comments on how ghostly my natural skin tone is every time I see her, so I got a spray tan before our vacation to Ireland and it went completely unnoticed and she STILL commented on how very pale I was. What a tragic waste of money that tan was. That ALL of them were.

Alas, I knew that my tans would never last and never look the way I wanted them to. If you apply your own fake tan, you know how it peels off in the most unnatural way possible. They are awful. You don’t want to be seen all beige zebra-d.

So, when you cue up Jersey Shore in the comfort of your own home, wanting to look tan, but fearing a bad tan that’ll have you calling in sick on Friday…have I got the (sponsored) product for you…

St. Moriz Instant Wash Off Self Tan (Walgreens, ~$12.99)

Maybe it’s a misstep

Maybelline Color Sensational lip liner and glossy lip stick in a neutral chocolate brown.

Formula is actually great.

But glossy brown lips? Not quite my thing. I like a natural looking nude lip – the kind of nude lip that says “look at my fluttering eyelashes.” This super shiny formula says “stop gazing into my galactic eyes and stare at my shiny poop lips”.

I dunno man. I just wish Maybelline would stop animal testing. Just like I wish Disney would proudly incorporate LGBTQIA+ characters. China and I can’t both get what we want.